We are all made of Stars!

It's been five months and I can still remember how I felt on the last day of 2010. I was hopeful, a bit anxious, still a romantic, still the dreamer, and determined to be happy. 2011 held a lot of promise...and it hasn't let me down (knocking furiously on every available wooden surface).

I now have random people all over India hearing my voice on their phones. I have a new musical partner who writes while I sing. I am now good at something new- and can get jobs as a Radio Mic Technician (ahem!) I have made new fantastic friends who I love to the core. And I've successfully fallen in love as well (it's another story that I might have to fall out of it soon).

It's been a good five months, full of new experiences, love, laughter and fun.

It's been a week and a half since I got back from my month long shoot in Madhya Pradesh. The lull and boredom is almost unbearable, which is shocking, because those who know me know that I can be cooped up in my room for days and not get bored.

Waking up at 4.30 am, on my feet till 7.30, and in bed by 10.30 was something I've never done before. And what a rush that was. I was living on adrenaline that entire month. Even though the sun was unbearable, and we all fell sick at some point, even then there was something in the running around and getting the job done. And with a job like mine, really, who would complain. There I was, getting up-close-and-personal with the actors. Micing actors is one of the coolest jobs I've ever done. All I can keep thinking right now is...Who would've thought I'd be micing Josh-fuckin-hartnett one day. I mean...here is a man I crushed on all through my teenage years. Who would've thought?!!! And ever since I can remember I've wanted to be part of a period film...and there you go, did that as well! It's bizarre how things happen, and happen when you really really need them to happen.

I learnt so much, had the best of teachers who were kind and patient and encouraging. I met people who I now call friends, who are some of the most fantastic, interesting, fun people I've ever met. I found another soul sista who I can pour my soul out to. I partied at the fort, and gorged on the best bloody mary ever! I saw true movie magic in the making, and now every time I watch a movie I can imagine where the camera is and how it's moving. I realized the importance of sunscreen and hats. I have a new found respect for hard work and people who indulge in hard work on a regular basis. And my faith in having dreams has been reinforced even more. I left a piece of my heart on that shoot and with that crew. It was my first movie, and it's an experience I'll cherish for as long as I will live.

All that I can hope for now is that I get an opportunity like this again and again and again. I want to meet more people, I want to fall in love a little more (you see, no matter how much I complain about that crazy little thing called love, I can't help but be in love!), I want to learn lots more, I want to see more and feel more, and I want to BE more.

Goodbye and Hello!

"...she ran across the field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.

In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.
The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself falling down a very deep well."

As I bid adieu to 2010; the year that clawed at my heart, brought me my heart's materialistic desires, gave me experiences that I have longed for, and thrust me in a seat on the fastest roller coaster I have ever been on; I can only hope that 2011 takes me on a journey to my very own Wonderland.

And to all of you, may this new year bring you monumental amounts of Love, Lust and Luck.

I'll be seeing you in 2011. And I have an inkling, I'll be coming back with more posts to entertain all you lovely people.

Love, love and MORE.

Yours Always,

Saucy Minx.

Red

I was just wondering why Love is associated with the colour red.

Then it occurred to me that red is the colour of the apple.

Apples way go back in time, before we even had words; back when a garbled sound coming out of the mouths of one of our ancestors was construed as communication. And we all know the story of the infamous snake, the tempting apple and the two happily 'naked' humans. A lot of things happened in that tale.

The snake tempted the beautiful and voluptuous Eve to take a bite of the apple from the tree of knowledge. I'm sure he tried Adam first, but our favourite perfectly chiseled alpha male refused and instead nudged his counterpart, therefore successfully playing his part in the 'temptation', just so that he would avoid any consequences of that 'oh-so-life-altering' bite. But Eve, the ultimate woman, didn't need much convincing. She has always been curious by nature, and courageous too, and a little too trusting for her own good. She gave in to the temptation and took one delicious juicy bite. And she fell. She fell. And being the more intelligent species, decided to take Adam with her. Smart move girlfriend!

Love...is that apple. Temptation followed by the fall. Thus the colour red. It all kinda fits. If we go by history, once Adam and Eve had the apple, they became conscious of themselves and that was the birth of the 'intimate parts' and the dire need for the fig leafs. It's also around that time, that they actually checked each other out and LUST was created. Fornication followed swiftly thereafter. Kind of reminds you of love, doesn't it? 'Fall' in love and make some love.

I've also noticed, just like Eve, women are easily tempted, especially by love. Still more trusting, and curious and courageous. And it always takes a man to take his own sweet time to make sense of anything that has recently taken place, and thus painfully slow at catching up with all the Love business. But let's not stereotype here...even though mostly that's how that ball rolls.

So I'd like to believe, that's how Love got it's colour.

In the next blog, maybe we can explore how Red became Angry.

Felix Felicis

Yesterday was apparently the luckiest day of the century. Couples ran off to get married so they could have a happy and 'lucky' marriage. Women scheduled C sections to bring their bundles of joy into this world so that they could be the 'luckiest' sonsuvbeeches on the planet. And lots of guys proposed to their girlfriends, hoping their luck would bring them a squealing "Oh my God, yes, yes a million times yes!!" And I...sat at home, with a friend and made a list of all the things we wanted to do, hoping that this day's luck would sprinkle some of it's magic on this list and all the things on this said list would actually happen. Guess now that the lucky day is over, we can only sit back and watch the magic takes its course.

It's a matter of believing, after all, isn't it? And belief is one of those things that can never be constant. Our beliefs change everyday, and we aren't even aware of it most of the time. When my friend walked into my house, and I told her about this 'luckiest day' dribble, we both laughed about it and asked, "who actually believes in this crap?" A few minutes later, after we dissected our lives and realized how nothing was going the way we wanted it to, we decided that maybe all we need is a little luck. A tiny little vial of felix felicis. By the time we finished writing that list, the both of us were feeling lighter, happier, hopeful and dare I say so, lucky!

This is why I find the human race completely fascinating. We always find a way to make ourselves feel better; at least most of us do. We lose our jobs, and drown our sorrows in alcohol and a good friend's company, behave like total morons and wake up with a hangover, and yet find that all is right with the world again. We break up with our lovers, and go on a little rebound ride. We feel lost and confused, and make lists, plans and promises. And we find doors to temporary happiness. A few days later, we're back to being miserable and the cycle starts all over again. And that's what makes me realize that even the most cynical of us are hopeful, a wee bit optimistic and just looking for happiness.

We do make the choices and ultimately make our own destiny, but a lucky penny never did any harm. If anything, having that lucky penny in your pocket would probably give you the courage to make the choice you are petrified of making. And in the end when you are basking in the glory of that right choice, you remember the lucky penny, or you don't, but it did serve it's purpose.

Luck, I think, is just one of the emotions. Like happiness, anger, jealousy, passion, love, apprehension and fear, luck is something we feel, we anticipate and we act on. I, for one, feel abso-fuckin-lutely lucky right now, because the first thing on my lucky list written on the luckiest day of the century was 'Write Blog', and I've done it! After months of having nothing to write about, of having no motivation, of just watching every day go by, I have finally written. And I feel like I'm high on some good ol' felix felicis!!

The Chase

This is something Muggle Muffin and I wrote together a long time ago. Now she's gone to France to hang out with her own Mr. Hot Corner Dude/ husband and this is left incomplete. Maybe I'll continue it someday, if by some miracle, I find a muse.

This is for you Bee.

The Chase:

She stretched mournfully and let out a long, tediously forced sigh. No reaction. Zilch. Nada. Nothing at all. He was in the exact same spot as two minutes ago, crouched over his MacBook, confused about Holy Hell knows what. She looked over at him, at the far end of the cafeteria. So, basically, none of her supposed 'sexy' histrionics had resulted in even a murmur of attention. Shaarya was getting tired of this hide-and-seek. Why couldn't he give her even the tiniest of reactions? Just munch quietly into his cookie and look at her and smile? She would die a happy camper. She remembered him from her dream the earlier night; as the rain pounded on the window-shutter; and their conversations grew into a building crescendo of energy. She'd woken up with a tickle in her brain and a pattering in her heart. A 'Ten with a brain', as someone had once described this particular sub-species of Male, and what she wouldn't do to get on the inside with this hottie. The boy of her dreams, literally, with not even an ounce of interest in her. Yet. No wonder she was confused about faith and the whole God business. She thought back on what her Philosophy professor from college had once said. "God is the figment of a weak man's imagination." Or was that Freud? Well, pish-tosh, figment or not, this proverbial 'God' seemed not to like her very much, what with him letting her scourge her every heartbeat on Mr.Hot Corner Dude. And she didn't even know his name, she realised with a tiny jolt. But then again, she would try again tomorrow. Faint heart never won fair lady, and the tables were certain to turn in her favour some day. After all, feminism wasn't just for Sister Orgasm's classes! Till then, she would chase. Because the chase was pretty damn good for now, the thin red line between dreams and reality fast blurring into nothingness. She wondered when she would wake up.

Chapter 2
Morning people are an anomaly. Sure it’s a new day, possibly even a beautiful day. But waking up to find out that that phenomenally sizzling kiss was only a dream is just infuriating! Mr. Hot Corner Dude was still on her mind. He had built a mansion in her brain and refused to share the space with a single other thought. She spent a few minutes lying in bed, wishing she could turn dreams into reality or reality into dreams. Whichever works!
As usual, she was running late. She had to make a presentation for her Photojournalism class. The white satchel kept slipping off her shoulder, while she tried to arrange the papers in her hands and to make things even more difficult the angry breeze blew her hair all over her face. The levels of frustration were rising rapidly. “I hate you Morning!” she muttered, while almost running towards her class. Suddenly, BAM, she collided into something and was falling backwards, the papers flying all around her. It was all in slow motion, just like in the movies. She felt warm hands grabbing both her forearms and pulling her back to her feet. She found her bearings in no time and looked up to see the owner of those warm, strong hands. MR. HOT CORNER DUDE. Shit! Shit, shit! She was a mess, she was embarrassed, she was blushing, and she was LATE. This morning couldn’t possible get worse. Could it?
“Are you okay?” he said. His voice made her legs jelly and the butterflies were like enemy soldiers causing utter havoc in her belly. She stared at him, her eyes concentrated on his lips, remembering the sizzling kiss that never happened. He was speaking to her again, looking concerned now. After a few more seconds she came out of her first daydream of the day to answer him. “Yeah, I’m fine, thanks!” He helped her gather the fallen papers and after handing them to her he smiled, turned around and walked away.
That’s it?! He just walks away. No conversation. Nothing. Ugh! Men are exasperating. Feeling dejected she walked towards her class. The professor berated her for being late and then asked her to give her presentation. She had worked so hard on this presentation but Mr. Kiss me in my Dreams totally ruined her mood and enthusiasm. She doesn’t even know this guy and yet he has this power over her, she mused. She was pretty confident that no man could ever have such intense power over her. And no man ever had. Until now! Until last evening in the cafeteria! It took him all of one day to house himself in her brain and her heart. Every fibre of her being was on fire when she saw him yesterday. How is that possible? Who is he? The whole ordeal was beginning to upset her. She wasn’t used to being so out of control of her emotions.
She finally ended the raging battle in her head and concentrated on her presentation. She had chosen Robert Capa and her presentation was a slideshow of his most captivating photographs with Wilfred Owen’s poetry recited in the background. She was quite proud of it and even got praise from the professor as well as a thundering applause. She had no idea that a pair of eyes was watching her in admiration and those kissable lips she had dreamed of were smiling. Back in her seat, her thoughts drifted away from the class and she turned to look out the window. The sun was still high up in the sky and it was still morning. Not bad, she thought. “Mornings!” she chuckled.
Considering she hadn’t had a morsel to eat since she woke up she headed straight to the cafeteria. After purchasing a plate of pancakes she sat down on her table. She always sat at that table, it had become her corner, where she pondered over things and found solace. Somehow it was always available when she came to the cafeteria. A happy sigh escaped her after she took her first bite of the pancake. Pancakes with chocolate always did that to her. That was the thing about food…it never disappoints. It always makes you happy and satisfied. It can’t reject you or ignore you. And it’s always ‘available’, almost always. This train of thought obviously traveled to the mystery man who made her insides squirm in delight. She munched furiously and stabbed her pancake as anger at her unusual behavior escalated. Where was he even from? She had never seen him before yesterday and she had been here for a month. Ugh! Just stop thinking about him. Stop it. Now.
The more you want to stop thinking about something or someone, the more your mind concentrates on that thing. It’s like when you’re meditating and you have to wipe every thought out of your mind, but you just can’t. You try to look at that flickering candle flame in your mind, but the candle flame quickly transforms into the face of someone you were thinking about or food you feel like eating or the book you just read. That’s the mind. Constantly in motion, drifting from one thought to the other, candle flame all but forgotten. So when she looked up from her tortured pancake, the first thing her eyes landed on were him. This cannot be happening to me, she silently yelled. But then something happened that made her heart stop and her abdomen pained with the flurry of butterflies. He had just smiled at her. And before she could react she saw him get out of his chair and walk towards her.

The Duet

The rain outside my window, the guitar and trumpet making sweet music, and thoughts of the trips I have yet to make, take me to a place I call happiness. One of the reasons I love the rains (when I'm indoors) is because of the atmosphere it creates. It makes you want to curl into your blanket, put on some soul music, sip on some chai and just reflect on life. It could be disastrous, in case your life isn't at the best place but otherwise you journey to happy memories, and daydream to the sound of rain. It's that time of the year when I always decide to do the things I've always wanted to. To change things about myself I've wanted to change. To be that person I've wanted to be.

And in the spring I shed my skin

And it blows away with the changing wind.

But I'm afraid those are things that take place in my head and never really materialize. And that's when you realise that the person you want to be is already there...you're just too busy looking for her that you don't notice her presence. That might be a good thing though, because that's what keeps you alive and hungry...the journey to find yourself. It's the one thing we all do at some point in our lives. Go on a trip, meditate, go to a shrink, lose weight- all because we think we might find ourselves as a result.

Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl

Frozen in the headlights.

Sometimes I feel my real self is living her life in my dreams. My dreams are the most fantastic place to be. The things I've seen, the places I've been, the people I've met, the things I've done. It's that person that I recognize. Not the person in the here and now so much. It's Saucy that lives the life I want to live. Need to figure out asap how to unite Saucy minx and myself. I've done a fair share of things that Saucy would be proud of...but there's a lot more. And the good thing is, that there's a lot of time to do it all.

I must become a lion hearted girl

Ready for a fight.

There are 2 people in everyone! Saucy and I would like an Iker each.

The Return of Saucy

I haven't abandoned you. I've just been in an alternate universe called reality, where we actually work to make money. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about! I've missed writing here though. Thoroughly. So much has happened. And now it's all blurry. All that's left are thoughts, memories and indescribable feelings.

It's been more than a month since I've been working on a documentary on arranged marriages and the more I get into it...the more scary the idea of marriage seems. I've always wanted to be married and have a house full of snotty, annoying, adorable kids; but now I'm not sure if I'm ready for it. Have you noticed though, that every time you're unsure about something...that something is what you end up doing. It's that whole "things happen when you least expect them to" theory. Scary! But anyway, this whole documentary has been fun, considering I've been to a mass wedding where 11 couples got married on the same stage and the food for 7000 people was cooked under a shed in the most unhygienic way possible. And another mass wedding where 4 brothers got married and the wedding was shot like a super expensive TV serial with jimmy jibs swaying this way and that AND an online editing system. Seriously! I was flabbergasted! And then we shot at a Catholic wedding where the couple renewed their vows after 25 years. It was a fun party with lots of wine, cake and merriment.

It's funny how I'm hardly home these days, and I find myself stealing time to read some fanfiction or watch my favourite shows. Shivani joked the other day about how I'm working later than she is...and that girl works like a mad woman. I don't recognize the life I've been living the past month and half. But I'm not complaining. I haven't had the time for a lot of things, and a lot of people, but there's this feeling of satisfaction and I don't feel incompetent any more. And the best part is...I work with two of the coolest women I know. They've been the best bosses so far.

Last weekend Muggle muffin and Thumbelino got married. It's been something I've been excited about from the start and to see them get married made me unbelievably happy. Their's, is a fairytale I'd like to see happening to me too. I hope to grow old and gray with them, and share more insane memories with them. They make me believe in love a little bit more now. Disclaimer- It could happen to you too :)

Then I had the post wedding blues. I went into that nasty little shell, where I started worrying about how I'd never find anyone and I'd be that lonely old cat lady with my worn out dildo, that I keep joking about. I was so blue that when I found this little diamond ring abandoned in my drawer, I picked it up, slipped it onto my ring finger and decided that I wanted to feel engaged. And then I laughed. Is this really ME? No way! It felt good though, in a weird way, wearing that ring and imagining being engaged to someone. But I realise now, it's not so much about being engaged or married. It's just about having that one person in your life that makes it a little extra special. I guess it's going to take me a long long long time to find that person, and I hope he'll be worth the wait. Till then I'll just watch FIFA and drool over the men.

FIFA always makes me happy. It's the only time I watch football, or any sport for that matter. I've watched pretty much every match...and by now I'm so confused that I don't know which player belongs to which team. It's been an interesting year for Fifa, considering all the top teams are playing like amateurs and all the underdogs are ruling the field. And the men...oh the men only get hotter every bloody time. I love watching the game with my Mum, simply because I think she checks out the men as much as I do.

Speaking of Fifa, I've missed about 20 minutes of the Spain-Chile game, since I've been here writing this. Must go. Villa just scored the most insane goal of the World Cup!!!!

I hope I'm back here soon with interesting things to tell. Au revoir!