Of buses, passports and men

To: Aarya

From: Shoa

Sent:10.01 am

29-04-2010

"My heart is bursting with joy n my loins are burning with lust. My hot bus boy is here! What are the chances man?! Could he be my one and only?"

The hunter in me has sniffed out new places to find the perfect prey. Who would've thought that Bombay's most eligible bachelors would travel by the AC bus?! And who would've thought that there would come a day when I'd be a happy little chirpy monkey at 8.30 in the morning!

It all began two weeks ago. At 8 am I was at the bus stop, grumpy and bleary eyed, waiting for the AS 4 to arrive. At 8.30 am, the most gorgeous Indian Male got into the bus. At 8.31 am, he gave the most heart racing, belly aching smile to...the conductor. At 8.32 am, I knew I was in love. The entire bus ride to the Passport office, I had my neck craned behind so that I could keep my eyes trained on him. It was an hour well spent. My day was looking bright and splendid, until I got off the bus. And then it went downhill pretty fast. The bastards at the Passport office told me to go home and register online. So my whole trip, if not for the 'most gorgeous Indian Male', would've been a total waste.

My appointment fell on the 29th of April, and I had to take the later bus, so I had no hopes of seeing my sexy bus boy. I entertained myself with some soul music and continued my dreaming from the previous night. The bus stopped and my eyes moved to the door and I held my breath. The 'most gorgeous Indian Male' had just stepped onto the bus!! There were fireworks in my mind. I was convinced this was fate, destiny, KISMET! I was smiling with glee and the woman seated next to me looked at me suspiciously. I continued to stare at him shamelessly while imagining our 'serendipity' style romance. I gave him a lascivious look before I got off the bus at the Passport office, hoping that we would cross paths again.

Once again, my day went downhill from there. The Passport Office is hell on earth. I braved five hours of mind torture, annoyance, sleep deprivation, anger, irritation, and hunger. The Devil's minions that run this office are sadistic pissers. They are condescending little shits that talk down to you and bask in your misery. They're dementors in human form that suck every little happy thought from your soul. They're downright EVIL! But thankfully, my work was done and I could escape by late afternoon.

The day started to look bright again when my beautiful curly haired angel, Aarya made me a nice cup of tea and fed me bread with blue cheese and the most delcious and juicy frozen mango. A few hours were spent lounging about, talking and laughing. Then came another disaster. As I was walking out of Bandra station I was stopped by the Ticket Checkers. For some reason, I knew I was doomed...and indeed I was. The ticket would've cost me Rs. 6, but I had forgotten to get a 1rupee coupon punched. I started to cry. It was pretty involuntary. I'm guessing it was the stress of the day, and the lack of sleep. But I cried...and how! Those idiot TCs asked me to move to the side and search my bag 'properly' for something I knew I wouldn't find. I cried harder. Every passer by would stop and stare at me. But I cried, blatantly, tears speeding down my cheeks. I looked to the right, tried to see if I could make a run for it. Then I figured, that a woman's tears can accomplish anything, so I went up to the TC and told him I couldn't find the ticket, hiccuping away. I really didn't want to waste Rs. 150 for a 1 rupee coupon. No way Jose! My finances are at their lowest low right now. I really couldn't bare it. That thought made me cry harder. The TC began to freak out...and in hushed tones, told me to go. I thanked him profusely, making sure I still had tears pooling in my eyes. I walked away, towards the rickshaw stand, and the minute I was far away, I started laughing, thunderously. I laughed and cried, and the hawkers nearby thought I was stark raving mad. I jumped into a rickshaw and made my way to Carter road. Finally my day was going back to normal. The thought of 'sexy bus boy' made me smile once again and I was on my way to getting my 'happy' back!

I'm actually hoping I have something else to do in south bombay this week so I can catch another morning bus and maybe this time I'll pass 'Sexy bus boy' a 10 rupee note with my name and number on it. So all you townies, you could totally take advantage of this situation.

And ladies, there are good looking men in Bombay, so don't give up hope yet. Just get your bootylicious selves into the next AC bus and you might just get lucky.